Honey and Leonard Read online

  Honey loved the water and soap because it seemed to wash away their wrinkles, much like Leonard's beautiful baritone singing washed away the years. She wore only a brassiere in the shower to keep her breasts from sagging.

  Sex for them was not quite the same as it had been in their youth. The emphasis was no longer on pounding penetration, yet they still thrilled to each other's touch and taste. The sudsy shampoo smelled like sweet romance.

  The pure joy of loving human contact never gets old.

  Honey had decided fairly early in the relationship to give oral sex a try, even though it had never been part of her long marriage to the doctor. She'd read about it for years. She was curious.

  Leonard eagerly followed suit. It didn't take long for each of them to wonder why they hadn't tried this sexual technique much, much sooner in their lives.

  The two of them laughed together like true lovers during their reunion shower. They dried each other off and got under the bed sheets for a delicious cuddle. Leonard fell asleep. Honey let him snore while she hastily packed one small bag for two. She grabbed their medications and toiletries and some underwear. They didn't need heavy baggage to haul. They could buy new clothes in Paris.

  While packing, Honey got a surprise glimpse of her near naked self in the full-length mirror on the back of her bedroom door. Oh, it was tragic. The skin under her neck and arms had wrinkled and was sagging slightly. Her legs and stomach looked like crepe paper. Tiny purple and red veins were beginning to take over. Age spots and tiny moles were all over her like nagging insects. She was glad Leonard wasn't seeing her in this light. And how much worse would she have looked without the bra?

  She caught herself pouting. It didn't seem fair. She felt young and in love. Life felt fresh and free. Her courtship with Leonard had been a whirlwind. But the mirror said she was old and beginning to show her age. The reflection actually frightened her. Not so much because she was afraid to die, but because it looked like her body would not be able to carry her much farther down the road. Or, worse yet, it would break down and force her into the clutches of the dreaded nursing home.

  The mirror seemed to be paying attention as she said, "If I was the only one this was happening to, I would be even more mad than I already am."

  She got dressed and began looking more fit and firm with each piece of clothing she added.

  Leonard was sleeping peacefully in bed. He looked as much the worse for wear as she did, but somehow, it didn't seem so shockingly bad on him. She awakened him with a kiss on the forehead, reminded him where he was and helped him get dressed. He didn't need much help. Once he remembered he was on his way to Paris, he felt like a kid again.

  Honey convinced Leonard she should drive since he was still a bit groggy from the nursing home drugs. She hated driving but she knew they had to get going and be in a hurry about it.

  She could barely see over the rear seat of her Cadillac as she carefully backed out of the garage. Leonard got out to shut the overhead door. Honey had misplaced the automatic door opener months earlier.

  "Goodbye cruel world," Leonard said as they drove out of town.

  "You do realize, sweetie, that we are now fugitives from justice?" Honey asked. "My lawyer's job is going to get a lot harder after tonight."

  "You know how lawyers spell justice?" Leonard asked.

  "M.O.N.E.Y.?"

  "No. J.U.S.T. U.S."

  Honey laughed, "Ooh, that's good. I haven't heard that one. I thought I'd heard all the lawyer jokes. But, you know, I like my lawyer. He says once they figure out I didn't poison you, there will be no reason for the no-contact order. So I say, let them work it out while we're in France."

  "You do realize, pumpkin, we'll be homesick in no time."

  "That's fine. We'll deal with it at that time. Right now, I'm sick of home."

  She did not realize what a fire their departure would light in the plus-size bellies of Leonard's niece, Gretchen Atkins, and Maria Gomez from Adult Protective.

  Honey did understand they had precious little time to make a clean getaway out of the country. She also had a sinking feeling that neither she nor Leonard would have the slightest idea what to do once they reached the airport.

  Leonard settled into a thoughtful silence as Honey eased onto Interstate 69 south and managed to set her cruise control at what she thought was a cautious 65 mph. Unfortunately, she took her foot off the gas as she was fumbling with the cruise control and ended up setting her speed at an illegal 45 mph. She couldn't see the speedometer because the steering wheel was blocking her view. She could barely see over the wheel. They rolled on into the night for an hour at reduced speed. Leonard remained preoccupied as the occasional truck roared by with a long pull on its air horn.

  "Why are these trucks going so fast?" Honey asked as she continued to fail to realize her own speed. "And why are they honking at us?"

  When Leonard failed to respond, Honey became concerned and grabbed him by the shoulder to ask, "Sweetie, what's the matter? You haven't said a word in thirty miles. What's the matter? You don't want to go to France? I thought you always wanted to go there?"

  "It's not that," he finally murmured as he turned to look out the passenger window.

  "I know what you're worried about."

  "I'm not worried."

  "Yes, you are. I can tell by the way you won't look at me. You're worried because we don't have any luggage. That's it. You think I forgot to pack your bag. You don't need to worry. I kept it light but I got all your medicines—the heart pills, the blood pressure and your inhaler. When they searched the house, the police didn't take medications they knew we needed on a daily basis. Between the two of us, we've got enough pills to open a pharmacy. All we really need is our medication, and I've got it all."

  It took a few moments before Leonard explained, "No, I'm not worried about anything. I'm too old to worry. Worrying never did anything but waste my time."

  "So, what's the matter?"

  "I'm ashamed," Leonard said.

  "Ashamed? Ashamed of what?"

  Honey waited for two whole minutes before Leonard finally confessed, "I don't have a passport."

  "A passport?" Honey asked. "Is that what's got you in this deep, dark mood? A passport? You are a silly, silly boy. Don't you remember we got our passports before that evil niece of yours put you in the nursing home? You remember. We went down to the post office together and filled out all the paperwork and then we went out to that Chinese restaurant on Pearl Street and had the best egg rolls ever."

  "Yes, yes, I do remember now. Those egg rolls were great. I remember the egg rolls now, but I've got to tell you, I don't exactly recall the post office."

  "Yes you do. You said that one old lady on the most wanted poster reminded you of me."

  "She did. She was ornery. Not near as pretty as you but she looked just like you when you're about to get your way."

  "See, you do remember."

  Leonard looked at Honey. He was having an emotional moment. She could see tears welling up in his eyes. When he spoke it was in the unsteady tone of a man who had just received a terrible medical diagnosis.

  "I'm glad to hear we've got passports. That's good. What's bad is that's a pretty big thing I don't remember. I know you want me to remember. But I'm telling you, I can't see it in my mind. I can see the egg rolls and the wanted poster but I can't see anything about passports. It scares me to death, Honey. I can't see it. No matter how hard I try, I can't see the passports. The worst thing is, knowing I don't remember the passports makes me wonder what else I don't remember."

  "Don't you be afraid, Leonard Atkins. You're just tired and all doped up. What you need is some rest. You go ahead and take a nap. It'll all come back to you when you see the passports. I've got them in the bag I packed for the two of us."

  As she spoke, a semi driver honked his horn as he blasted by in a rush of displaced air that shook the Cadillac and jolted Honey back to the task of driving. She looked in her rearview mirror and saw a
car following too closely with its headlights blinking off and on and little blue and red lights flashing.

  "Leonard," she said. "There's a fire truck right behind us."

  Leonard craned his neck to look behind and said, "That's no fire truck, Honey. That's the police. How fast are you going? Oh, no. They're going to find out who I am and send me back."

  He looked at the speedometer. "Good grief, Honey, you're only going 45 mph. Speed up to 65, maybe they'll let us just keep going."

  By the time Honey was up to 55 mph, two backup units had arrived to participate in the suspicious, low-speed chase.

  "Better pull over," Leonard said. "Looks like the jig is up. Somebody at the nursing home must have sounded the alarm."

  "How could they possibly know it's us?" Honey asked.

  "The license plate is in your name, and they would know I'd be with you," Leonard said.

  Two more police cars arrived and helped surround Honey and Leonard as the Cadillac came to a squeaking stop on the side of the off ramp Honey had used to exit the highway. Officers from the city, county and state jumped out of their squad cars with sidearms drawn and took cover behind their vehicles. The state trooper behind them barked through the speakers in his car, "Get out of the car with your hands in the air. Get out of the car now. You are completely surrounded."

  Honey and Leonard struggled out their respective doors, blinded by the spotlights and more than a little stiff and sore from the drive. "It's okay," Leonard called out with his hands in the air. "We don't mean to make trouble."

  It became instantly apparent to the nervous police officers that they had intimidated a harmless, elderly couple. The ad hoc swat team lowered their weapons and began to laugh in relief, teasing the state trooper who called in the chase and making jokes among themselves like, "Better search these two. They look like big time drug dealers. We'd better call in the dogs."

  The police were having a regular party at Honey and Leonard's expense until Honey started crying in embarrassment and put her hands on her knees, pleading, "Won't you please turn off those lights? They're hurting my eyes."

  Leonard ran over to help her and shouted, "Haven't you boys had enough fun for one night?"

  The lights went out in a hurry and the cars began to leave. Eventually, the original state trooper was the only one left on the scene. He felt so bad he didn't even give Honey a warning ticket after she explained she'd been having trouble with her cruise control.

  "I'm sorry about the guns and the lights," he said as he checked her license and registration. "We've been having lots of trouble with drug traffickers in these parts lately. One of our officers got shot last month. You were traveling so slowly we thought you must be on drugs."

  The trooper checked Leonard's identification. "You folks really shouldn't be driving at night. There's a Holiday Inn right over there. You can see the sign. Why don't you get a little sleep and try again in the morning? By the way, where are you headed?"

  "Just down to Indianapolis to see our grandchildren," Honey lied like a pro.

  The trooper wrapped up his investigation without further inquiry. It would still be several hours before Leonard was reported missing.

  Once they were back in the car and buckling up their seat belts, Honey said, "I thought for sure they knew it was us."

  "They did know it was us," Leonard said. "They just haven't figured out we're on the run. I guess that no-contact order isn't in their computers."

  * * *

  Neither Honey nor Leonard could make much sense out of the confusing, green information signs as they rolled into the Indianapolis Airport. Leonard was driving. He had taken over driving after the police stop. He and Honey hadn't checked in to the hotel as suggested by the police. They both knew there was no time for anything but a quick bathroom break.

  It was nearly sunrise and traffic was already so heavy in Indianapolis that Leonard didn't dare slow down. He was getting frazzled but trying hard not to show it. The drive around the Interstate to find the airport was a harrowing ordeal for someone used to small town streets. It was five lanes of speeding traffic with cars merging in and out for no apparent reason. Honey was no help at all.

  "Slow down, sweetie, so I can read these signs. I don't know if we need to go to the terminal first or the parking lot first. What's the difference between long term parking and short term parking?"

  Leonard decided to take refuge in the Hertz rental car lot. At least it had a sign he could understand. He parked the car, turned off the ignition and turned to say, "This could be the end of the line, pumpkin. I'm starting to think this whole thing might be a bad idea. If you want to know the truth, I'm amazed we made it this far. We got dumb lucky with those cops who stopped us, and that was nothing compared to trying to find this crazy airport. And by the way, they're doing bed check at the nursing home right about now."

  Honey looked at him with the patient smile of a woman who knows she's going to get her way. "Are you done?"

  Leonard couldn't help but lighten up. He'd seen that look before.

  "In the first place," Honey said, "here we are at the airport. We made it. You should be happy. In the second place, there's no such thing as dumb luck. We're not dumb but we are lucky. We're lucky to be together, and you, sir, are lucky to be with someone as wonderful as me. And nobody's luckier than a little old damsel in distress." She finished with a Southern drawl that made him laugh.

  "So what are we going to do now?" he asked.

  Honey checked the contents of her purse, put on some lipstick, gave him a sweet kiss on the lips and opened her door. "Watch me work," she said as she got out of the car and shut the door.

  Leonard watched her out the window until she disappeared into the rental car building. He chuckled to himself as he lowered down the power seat to take a nap in "naptown," everybody's nickname for Indianapolis. He was exhausted from the night and none too optimistic about the coming day.

  Within five minutes Honey was back with a tall, blonde flight attendant in tow. She knocked on the window to awaken him. "Leonard, would you please get out of the car and say hello to Julia. She works for the airline and she just happens to have a co-worker who is flying to Paris this morning."

  Julia was only too happy to help. She had a grandmother about Honey's age. Before Leonard really knew what happened, the flight attendant had helped them park the car in long term parking, taken the shuttle bus with them to the terminal, helped them book two tickets to Paris, upgraded them to first class at no extra charge and introduced them to her friend Jennifer at the boarding gate.

  Julia handed Honey and Leonard off to Jennifer like they had been planning the transfer for days.

  "I can't believe you two didn't have any bags to check," Jennifer laughed as she gave Honey and Leonard a quick course in boarding the plane. "As soon as they announce first-class boarding, you two go up to that woman. She'll take your tickets. I've got to get on board now but I'll see you after takeoff."

  "Now, there goes a lovely young woman," Honey said as they watched Jennifer disappear into the boarding bridge.

  "I don't know how you do it," Leonard said as they settled into their seats to wait at the gate. "I do know one thing. I am the luckiest man alive. There's nothing better than watching you pull rabbits out of the hat."

  He gave Honey a kiss on the cheek and began searching the pockets of his pants and sport coat. Honey had resigned herself early in their relationship to the fact that Leonard would always be searching for his wallet.

  "I've got both our passports. Look, I'm putting them in this little pouch I wear around my neck," Honey said. "Don't you remember them now?"

  Leonard shook his head to indicate a sad no.

  "Our driver's licenses and credit cards are in there too. Everything else we need is in this carry-on bag. And we both know you don't carry a wallet anymore."

  "Oh, right," Leonard said. "Good, good. I don't want to try to keep track of all that stuff. But there is one thing I need to tell you,
pumpkin."

  "What's that, sweetie?"

  He looked at her like he didn't want to confess.

  "Come on now, sweetie. You can tell me."

  It took Leonard a while but he finally blurted out, "I've never been on an airplane before."

  "Oh, my stars," Honey said, looking at him to make sure he wasn't joking. One look in his eyes told her he was serious as an oxygen mask. She had to be careful about his male ego. Why wouldn't he have told her this before?

  "Then this is a big day," Honey recovered. "I can't believe I didn't know that. How have you never been on a plane?"

  "It's not that I didn't want to go," he said. "The wife would never go. She never went anywhere except to church. After she died, I just…"

  "Now, now, there's no need to explain. Lots of people have never flown. This just makes it that much more exciting. Doing something you always wanted to do is pretty much what we're all about, isn't it?"

  Leonard nodded in agreement, and a smile began to morph out of his stern countenance.

  "You are in for the time of your life, Leonard Atkins. Remember what a thrill riding the train used to be? Well, flying is like taking the train, only you blast off into the sky like a spaceship in the movies. I haven't flown since a couple years before the doctor died. It's a wonderful experience. You go up and up until you're through the clouds, and then the sun is shining bright. It's so invigorating."

  Leonard looked like he was trying to get in the mood but he was a little pale. The notion of flying was already making him airsick.

  "Are you scared?"

  "Scared wouldn't be the right word. I am a little nervous and excited but I'm not scared. I guess I'm amazed to actually take a plane ride. I've wanted to ever since Lindy took The Spirit of St. Louis all the way across the ocean."

  "When was that?"

  "That was in May of 1927."

  "I'm amazed you remember the month."

  "Oh, yeah. I was ten years old, almost eleven. I was just starting to pay attention to girls. Lindbergh was the biggest thing that ever happened. School was almost out for the summer, and we were listening to "Ain't She Sweet" on the radio whenever we could get a channel to come in clearly. 'Yes I ask you very confidentially, ain't she sweet?'" Leonard sang loudly enough for people nearby to notice. Honey hugged him hard. She loved the way he remembered all the lyrics to the best old songs. If they ever had to go through a competency hearing, all he'd have to do is get up to sing a song or two.